I started the game just fine (ignoring the 3.35 hour delay).


Mayor was taking it easy and some asshole wakes me up.


I wasn't paying much attention. There was something about slavery and/or a place that this guy wouldn't shut up about.


After a few minutes of walking in a stupor I finally began my journey but not before some tied up whore with an accent wouldn't stop yapping about keys and thugs. After killing a few people, I assume I found the key or the darky threw it at me, I don't really remember, but it was in a giant bag.

I free'd her, big mistake--the yelping just got worse. It took me around an hour of bloodshed and ape murdering before I finally found a way to get into that Torso place and just in time before another asshole wanted me to pick blocks or flowers for him. I sort of blacked out at this point and they removed my bondage shackles which gave me access into the city for whatever reason. Maybe I was just too real for them.

I delivered a note to some whore wearing what I assume was a rug for armor, and she threatened me by withholding sex. I don't think I've ever been more upset in my horrible life. I ran around in a haze with the promise of sex, until I bumped into an old bitch. The only difference this time is that she mentioned that I needed to talk to more people in the bar. I was fine with this. But it was another damn trap. When I arrived this bar whore was dressed in real clothing, this was already starting to frustrate me, and ordered me to play with some bum on an island somewhere. Point is, I think I killed more innocent bystanders, maybe a few more giant animals with claws and fur before I was able to find the hobo. It worked out though. We hung out and talked about how much we hated our lives.

This is all I could remember.